Sorry

by Staten

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1.
2.
03:52
3.
03:58
4.
04:01
5.
03:17
6.
03:44

about

I'm sorry.

Dedicated to Gafar, Marcano, Jonathan, Shaq, and Andreia.

All songs written and performed by Justin Fernandez.
"Mirrors" written by Christine Demetillo

credits

released May 12, 2015

Christine Demetillo - artwork and for vocals on tracks 4, 5, 6

Drums by Lucas Smith on track 1
Thank you to Natalie Linares for providing that voice mail on track 1

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license

all rights reserved

about

Staten Rahway, New Jersey

One man in a white room.

Thanks for listening.

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Track Name: In Florida, I Trust
I’d like to see your face before
I move to the south and never
return as the man that I once was,
come on Just get it together.

I still have the letters that you wrote,
back when you called me the sweetest names
Swim in the Hudson, dry off in the city,
I’ll scamper through the streets
until I reach to sixty

and whatever avenue that you’re on.
I’m tired of being alone.

Back when my room was filled with color,
and my golden sun was brighter than ever.
I’m sorry for the love that I never gave,
I don’t know where it went,
I must’ve pushed it away.

Cut to my room now, its empty there’s nothing.
This Garden can’t grow without the Sunshine, fuck it.
If I leave then what’s going to happen to us?
Where’s the hope and the faith?
In Florida, I trust.

I hope I’m doing the right thing
by leaving this place.
I’m so sorry, my love,
I think we both need a break.
I know you tried your hardest to keep this alive
it’s not your fault, I know it’s not,
that’s not the point, okay goodbye.

When I get on this plane I don’t know when I’ll be back.
You were my first real love that I ever had.
I was never so honest, hello to the south.
But believe me when I say, I hope my plane goes down.
Track Name: Home
Staring at a blank white page,
golden sun I hope that you stay with me.

I know things have been different but
I hope you know I’m still in love with you.

I only want what’s best for you,
if you’re happy then I’m happy too.

I’m sorry feeling sorry for myself,
I needed you and no one else.

I’m sorry that I served you words
that closed your heart and made you hurt.

Say the word and I’ll let you go.
Your happiness means more to me than you could ever know.
So I’ll swallow my tongue, and hold back my love;
I felt like home but I think it’s time for you to move on.

And I can’t stop you from feeling this,
opportunities you can’t miss for me.
I called you my sun in these songs,
not cause you burn bright but because
you’re with the stars where you belong.

Say the word and I’ll let you go.
Your happiness means more to me than you could ever know.
So I’ll swallow my tongue, and hold back my love;
I felt like home but I think it’s time for you to move on.

Say the word and I’ll be on my way.
Whatever makes it easier for you to feel okay
even if it means that I’m gone, then so be it, love.
I hope you find a home, the one you wanted, the one you needed all along.
Track Name: Sorry
So this goes out to all the ones who believed in me,
maybe next time you can place your faith on someone who’s not afraid to be
someone else, somewhere new, something I could never do.
Coward, what a fake, liar, mistake.

I wonder where my passion went,
it must’ve took off when she left.
That’s no excuse, it’s nothing new,
I should’ve found it someone else.

I’m alone more than I should be,
bottle filled to the brim with whiskey.
I’ll hit the ground when I reach Florida,
I was only hoping you’d stay with me.

So this goes out to all the ones who believed in me,
maybe next time you can place your faith on someone who’s not afraid to be
someone else, somewhere new, something I could never do.
Coward, what a fake, liar, mistake.
This goes out to the ones who I promised to write a song,
to Derek, to Jess and Jess, to all the girls I fell in love with.
I’m sorry, I couldn’t do it, I choked, I fucking blew it.
Taylor, Christine, Andreia, I’m sorry.


Stop feeling sorry for myself,
My mother said I needed help.
I tried to kill myself back in July,
but I knew I couldn’t kiss you if I were to die.

What a selfish way to leave,
I couldn’t think about all the ones who needed me,
I couldn’t shake the fact that I was
worthless, so useless, wasted oxygen on a person.
Like cursive, filled with self-doubt
cause I’m not perfect, they heard this.
Called a doctor so I wouldn’t hurt anymore.
Track Name: Collapse
Hi, I just want to stay inside
with you, if that’s alright.
I don’t mind if you
stay the night.
Have your body imprinted in my sheets.
We’ll go get coffee,
you look so lovely,
you capture the morning
inside of your smile.
Your voice carries melodies,
your step is a tragedy,
but you can dance to me all night.

I’ll miss these moments,
those times that you noticed
the details were woven
inside of ourselves.
The fabric was open,
what happened to notions?
You hid inside of yourself.

You know I tried to be calm,
but this bottle’s way too strong
for me to counteract,
so I’ll let myself collapse.
The structure divided,
decisions decided,
I let my world collapse.

Hi, it’s getting late.
I’m tired but you know
I can’t fall asleep without you.
If you sing I’ll listen, my dreams scored by six strings.
Breathing so heavily, your voice is so heavenly,
I’ll go get coffee,
you look so lonely,
can you tell me, baby what’s wrong?
Your voice is shaking,
useless conversation,
please don’t tell me I need to be strong.

I’m tired of hurting,
I don’t want you leaving.
How did I let you go this time?
I know it’s a burden
to keep a love burning,
it wasn’t worth it to keep it alive.

You know I tried to be calm,
but this bottle’s way too strong
for me to counteract,
so I’ll let myself collapse.

A structure divided,
decisions decided.
I let my world collapse.
Track Name: Fifth
I couldn’t sleep, thought of dreams, wish I was right there,
next to you inside of your room
with the lights off, those night talks,
we kissed until our breaths ran short
oh my god, my mouth got the taste of your lips,
caught off guard.

I fell asleep, nightmare dreams, wish you didn’t leave,
I’d be there instead of feeling scared
with my head on a mantel,
my mind stuck in pencils,
I sketched us and traced our names,
erased love. I’m a picture frame.

I wish I could remove my ceiling,
and find a way inside your bed.
I’ll love you for the next four seasons,
and on the fifth I will forget.

Cause if we wanted this, we’d make it work,
and if it’s meant to be I’ll find the cure
or the strength to move on
from the love that I lost.
I could drown at the bottom
I could swim to the top.

And my walls have some faults cause
I often hear an echo of your voice,
laughter coming down the halls.
(It’s not me)
Then who would it be?
You are the only girl I’d ever need.
You are my constant, you are my conscience,
you are the sun, and the moon, and the

Stop it, don’t put this pressure on me.
How could you ever believe that I’d fill your expectations?
Pedestal relations,
the constant conversations,
your moods were always changing,
you wanted me to hurt like hell so you could come save me.

I was never perfect baby,
and you never thought it too.
So why pretend that you loved me?
And I won’t pretend I do.

If we wanted this, we’d make it work,
and if it’s meant to be I’ll find the cure
or the strength to move on
from the love that I lost.
I could drown at the bottom
or I could swim to the top.
I could breathe in the air,
or my lungs will collapse.
I could down orange bottles,
or sit down and relax.

I don’t want this, it would never work.
No amount of “sorry’s” will erase the hurt
that you caused to my body
and my feelings, don’t say sorry.
You don’t mean it, don’t believe it,
and I’m leaving, you can’t stop me.

But if I try hard enough, will you see that I’ve changed?
I swear you’ll never break away from your selfish ways.
I’ll die for your love, I won’t be the same.
If you die over me, then your death would be In vain.
Track Name: Mirrors
Take one look in the mirror
and tell yourself
you're better without him here.

Take one look at her,
and realize you’ve made the biggest mistake,
you’re the reason why this failed to work.

We've grown apart
it's too late to start
this love all over again.

And I’ve pushed away
the only honest love that I’ve ever felt
because I couldn’t keep up
with the pressure I put on myself.

I'll miss the way you'd smile and say,
"You're lovely."
But this coffee's gotten cold,
I could never drink it alone.

I fell behind from the pace that you set,
said, “I can’t wait for you, clean yourself up, you’re a mess.”
I’m not good with change, I’ll admit
but I’m trying my best to be the love you can’t forget.

It’s hard to function, stay up with assumptions,
white pills in hand cause I just have to feel something.
Been feeling numb since the last day lips were touching.
It’s just another drunken night, for me it’s nothing.

I am strong, I am beautiful
I don't need to stay.
But without you here.
I couldn't face another day.

One day, one day maybe we will be,
but for now, I need to focus on me.

My god what the hell have I done?
How many times could I say sorry
for you to believe in just one?
My fault I told you to open your heart,
but I closed mine, so selfish.
Can’t be surprised that you’re gone

This here's my promise,
this here's my word
that when I come back, I'll be better, I'll be smarter
I'll become what you deserve.

Please don't say this is it,
your hand in mine for one last time,
just pull me in close.
Remember all the love we shared,
this pain was unprepared
but it's so hard to let go.