If I'm Not Remembered After All of This, Then What Was the Point?

by Staten

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03:24

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released August 11, 2015

Artwork by Karl Fernandez

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Staten Rahway, New Jersey

One man in a white room.

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Track Name: For Catherine, From Jamie
Hey there Catherine, I’m so sorry I haven’t been around.
I’ve been building my tiny fortress for you to come inside.
I put new floors in, a golden gate, and some windows for the light.
My darling Catherine, I’m so sorry I haven’t been around.

Hey there, Catherine, I’m so sorry I haven’t been around.
I’ve been waiting at my fortress for you to come inside.
I’ve been in oceans, space exploration, the moon it doesn’t shine.
My darling Catherine, I'm so sorry I haven't been around.

Hello Catherine, I miss you more than the flowers in the ground.
My darling Catherine, I’m so sorry I haven’t been around.
Track Name: Eden (Always Meant)
This is where God made you and me,
filled with water, blue skies, green life to breathe
But I’ll sing outside the garden we grew up in,
for I have made a grave mistake of not knowing what I’m doing.
and I’m not prepared for how much I will miss you.
I’m not familiar on how to let love grow when hearts aren’t close.
I’m not prepared for how much I will miss you.
My hearts been getting weaker, and tell me my body won’t follow.
You were a part of me,
removed from my body.
Maybe when we’re older
we will find ourselves together,
locking eyes in one another,
I know we’re made for each other,
Our love was way too early,
will you still see me as worthy
for a chance?
I’ll wait for this
a love that I’ve always meant.
When I’m gone I hope that you’ll be safe.
How could I attack your faith when it’s
me who didn’t stay?
And this mistake will cost my life,
I’m not strong enough to be on my own.
My God I’m sorry, God I’m sorry
I should’ve been there for you.
If the love for me is gone don’t worry
I understand.

I’ll wait for you
a love that I won’t lose.
Track Name: 83
I forgot to feed myself,
pills to cure my failing health
are nothing but a cross
I have to bear.
I died when I was 17,
but won’t get buried till I’m 83,
alone in my gallery.

I’ll be picking out your dress,
pink or navy blue
are the colors you wear best.
I’ll forever my hold peace,
the man that you wear white for
is the man I’ll never be.

I loved her first,
I was her whole world.
But I moved too slow for her,
Now I’m the last in her mind,
the last time that I said “I love you”
was when we said goodbye.

I forgot to move my arms,
when the knife had made its mark.
I lost a nerve, began to curse
the God that made my heart.
I died when I was 17,
won’t get buried till I’m 83,
I wish that you could come with me.

I’ll be picking out your dress,
pink or navy blue
are the colors you wear best.
I’ll forever my hold peace,
the man that you wear white for
is the man I’ll never be.

She burns brighter than the sun,
definition of “the one.”
And when you read her name,
I swear to God, you’ll fall in love.

Her presence is a pleasure,
it’s a blessing to have met her.
She’s the only one I’ll believe
when they tell me it gets better

She burns brighter than the sun,
definition of “the one.”
And I can use her name
as a substitute for “love”.
I can’t say goodbye,
you’ll always be alive,
I put you in the words and all the pages that I write.

I hope you do not mind,
please say that you don’t mind.
The muse to all my writings,
for you, I’ll never die.
I hope you do not mind,
please say that you don’t mind.
The muse to all my writings,
the story of my life.
Track Name: Poem for Andreia
I know it’s not enough,
I could never show,
how much I really loved,
the time I spent with you.

Your curly hair let down,
the sweaters that you wore.
The lack of makeup on your face,
made me love you more.

I won’t reduce our love to physicality;
the backbone to my spine the conscience in my head.
And I won’t condone the actions in my gallery,
but for you, for you, I’ll always live.

I know it’s not enough,
I could never show,
how sorry I fucked up,
the time you spent alone.

Absent from my life,
the tears you held inside,
were used to grow a bigger heart,
to become the person that you are.

I’m so proud of everything you’ve become,
the strongest, bravest soul I’ve ever met.
Show me the strength, the power of my own.
For you, for you, I’ll always live.

I know it’s not enough,
I could never show,
how much I really loved,
the feeling of this Home.
Track Name: French Doors
I swear to God I’m going to die before I reach 21.
A whiskey guided by decisions wants to live in my blood.
I’ll let it happen, let it happen , just to see what it wants.
I feel my organs start to fail as I pray to my god.

My orange bottles, my apostles, come and bury me.
I’ll resurrect in three days’ time, please leave me be.
I bought a bottle with me, untouched and aging whiskey.
But go get Catherine, come on in, I need some company.

Hey there Catherine I thought I should let you know where I’ve been.
I’ve taken shelter in my head building a home for you and him.
It’s lovely, I worked my imagination too
Marble floors and white French doors,
with a garden, and a stone mural
that I carved in.
Pools of gold you can dive in.
I’m dying, your eyes are starving.

.45 my conscience died,
he didn’t even say goodbye.
.45, it’s been 40 days,
and 40 fucking lonely nights.
Track Name: Flowers II
Take me off the map,
lend a helping hand.
Drink the nights
the stars inside.
I know better than this.

Make me a saint,
praise the good I fake.
Walk among
the dead and wrong
the streets are rough but paved.

It’s time for me to leave with my head held high.
I know I can’t do this but I’ll be damned if I don’t try.

Hallelujah, the rope didn’t break.
My love will love again someday.

And I see the world in a different view,
you could join me if you loved me too.

Thank you for your help,
you saved me from myself.
Don’t forget
you always meant
the most to me, it’s true.

This life is rough but good,
it treats me well as it should .
I try and strive
to live my life
the way I know you’d like.

But it’s time for me to start my beginning alone,
I know I can do this I’m capable of being on my own.

Hallelujah, the rope didn’t break.
My love will love somebody someday.
And I see the world in a different view,
you could come join me if you loved me too.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry the rope didn’t break.
You called me a liar as my body laid in
the dirt and ground when you lowered me down.
I will come join you if I’m still around